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| AUTHOR DON GABOR OFFERS ADVICE
FOR DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Published in the New York Association of Real Estate Managers Newsletter "Difficult people are everywhere! You work with them and they work with you. But do you know why they are so difficult?" asked author and speaker Don Gabor to an audience of more than one hundred building managers at NYARM's Expo workshop, Learning How to Communicate With Difficult People. "They've had a lot of practice!" Gabor quipped and the group burst into laugher. "Here's the bad news and good news," he added while holding up a wall clock and a string of giant $100 bills for everyone to see. "The bad news is that difficult people waste your time, money and try your patience! The good news is that by using a few easy-to-master communication skills, you can minimize the negative impact difficult people have on you and your business, and increase their productivity--plus you'll smile a lot more in the process!" And effective communication skills and laughs were just what Don Gabor delivered to his enthusiastic audience for the next ninety minutes. He began with three strategies for dealing with difficult people: 1) Confront them gently; 2) Focus on the person's behavior--not his or her personality, and 3) Tell them what you want and why you want it. Gabor wasted no time getting people involved. He called on practically everyone by name to perform exercises and answer questions. (How did he remember so many names of people he had only met minutes ago? Perhaps he will offer a workshop on that topic next time!) He also had audience members pair up to practice a listening exercise that illustrated the power of identifying key issues when speaking with difficult people. Using colorful overheads, a well-designed 12-page handout, and some lighthearted impersonations of difficult people, Gabor demonstrated four typical kinds of troublesome people and how to communicate more effective with them. (Gosh, did I recognize myself in some of those hard-to-handle people?) What was Gabor's advice for communicating with aggressive "Steamrollers" who use bullying to get their way? "Disagree, but don't argue because if you get into a debate with them, you'll probably lose." How can you get passive "Wet Blankets" and "Know-it-alls" to be more productive? "Ask for their input and commitment to action, follow-up closely on their progress, and praise even small steps. These slow-moving people need a little extra attention, but once they get going they can really produce results." And finally, what about dealing with those passive-aggressive "Bushwhackers" who smile at you, but then stab you in the back when you turn around? "These folks are tough," Gabor admitted, "but like dealing with other types of difficult people, don't let them get away with their negative behavior. Keep your cool and tell them what you want (or don't want) them to do. By confronting Bushwhackers they'll know that you're onto their tricks and that you're not going to let them undermine you or your efforts." If you missed the workshop and want a copy of the handout, or if you want to find out more about how Don Gabor can help your staff communicate more effectively, please call him at 800-423-4203. Don Gabor is an interpersonal communication skills trainer and the author of the best-selling book and audiotape, How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends. The New Yorker called Don "a gifted conversationist" and he known as America's "small talk expert." For a free creativity tip sheet and more information about his programs and books, visit his website (dongabor.com) or call 800-423-4203. |
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DON GABOR · CONVERSATION ARTS MEDIA |
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